Wednesday, February 25, 2009

For what is your life?

In January, we painted, did some remodeling and moved. Crazy, busy time in our lives all filled with excitement, worry, and some sadness. Our world as we knew it was changing.

In February, Dakota came into our lives one week and the next Cody left our world. We had an engagement party for Stacey and Rocky where we announced that our world was forever going to be changed with the birth of a baby. One week later, our world was changed again....

I knew something just wasn't quite right. I wasn't sick, tired yes, but not sick. I even told Jason that maybe I needed to take another pregnancy test just to be sure! Sunday morning I started spotting very lightly. Thought that maybe I had just been overdoing it so I laid down. The spotting began getting heavier followed by cramps. Sunday was a hard day for both of us. We have waited for this child for such a long time, and to be loosing this baby was heart breaking.

Monday morning we went to Tucson to see the doctor. As we waited a very long time in the office, it began to wear on me. As teenage girls with their moms, women who looked like they were on the drugs, etc. came in, I wondered why I was the one having a miscarriage. Wasn't I a better candidate to raise a child? But as I sat their I realized how arrogant that was of me to even think that way. Who was I to question what God has planned for our lives? The best thing is is that I don't even have to understand why, but just trust that God loves me.

There is nothing like the loss of a child, whether if they are only 7 weeks, 25 weeks, 3 years, or 40 years old.

James 4:14
whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.