In January, we painted, did some remodeling and moved. Crazy, busy time in our lives all filled with excitement, worry, and some sadness. Our world as we knew it was changing.
In February, Dakota came into our lives one week and the next Cody left our world. We had an engagement party for Stacey and Rocky where we announced that our world was forever going to be changed with the birth of a baby. One week later, our world was changed again....
I knew something just wasn't quite right. I wasn't sick, tired yes, but not sick. I even told Jason that maybe I needed to take another pregnancy test just to be sure! Sunday morning I started spotting very lightly. Thought that maybe I had just been overdoing it so I laid down. The spotting began getting heavier followed by cramps. Sunday was a hard day for both of us. We have waited for this child for such a long time, and to be loosing this baby was heart breaking.
Monday morning we went to Tucson to see the doctor. As we waited a very long time in the office, it began to wear on me. As teenage girls with their moms, women who looked like they were on the drugs, etc. came in, I wondered why I was the one having a miscarriage. Wasn't I a better candidate to raise a child? But as I sat their I realized how arrogant that was of me to even think that way. Who was I to question what God has planned for our lives? The best thing is is that I don't even have to understand why, but just trust that God loves me.
There is nothing like the loss of a child, whether if they are only 7 weeks, 25 weeks, 3 years, or 40 years old.
James 4:14
whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.
Prayer for the President of the United States
3 years ago
5 comments:
Oh Candice, I hope you know we are all hurting with/for you and Jason and just so praying for y'all. Even amidst this challenging and hurtful time, y'all are still seeking to trust God and follow His Word....as always, y'all are such a great example for all of us.
I love y'all so, so, so much.
Oh, Sweet, Sweet Candice, I had so hoped you would blog about this. I so know the feelings you had as you watched all the pregnant people come and go from the drs office, many probably either not excited to be pregnant or just down right sad to be pregnant. And yes, why is it that they can and will carry their babies to full term and possibly have healthy babies, but more likely have babies born dependent on drugs or worse, and yet, these babies will grow up not knowing the love of a Mama and Daddy and will most definitely not have an emotionally healthy life. Worse yet they will not be taught about God's love nor how to truly love and trust Him. The human side of us just can't see why that happens. It is so wonderful that you and Jason have such a loving trusting relationship with our Lord who cares for us in ways we can not even imagine. Thank you for your sweet, sweet spirit that brings all of us back to giving God the glory, no matter what the situation, and totally placing our love and trust in Him.
One of my first thoughts as I knew that we were losing this precious baby, was that while all of us here are so sad, that his/her aunts/uncles that we never got to hold and know are playing with him/her in heaven now along with all the great and great grandparents that have gone before. Most importantly he/she is with God and all the angels!
You capture so well the things that all of us feel in this time of trial. A preacher I once knew used to say that the second thing he wanted to do in heaven, after seeing Jesus, was to go ask why... Sometimes all we can do is try to learn patience in waiting.
He says that no trial comes but that we can deal with it...but sometimes His esteem of us and of what we can handle seems to be so much greater than ours. I think that is why He provided the family and community to hold each other up. Remember that we all are holding both of you up to God in prayer while we try to hold you up with words and smiles and hugs and a shoulder to lean on.
Candice,
I just wanted to say that we love you and Jason so much. We are both so sad for you. Janette told me and it was such an emotional day. :( I just want you to know we are lifting you up in prayer. Your going to make an exceptional momma someday, of that I'm sure! I know you have heard this over and over but...God has a plan, even though we don't always understand it.
I'm so proud of how you are able to put your trust in God. You really are a great example for all of us and an encouragement to me...
Hang in there. I love you tons and tons! If you need anything just call.
Candice, I was so saddened to hear this news. I was in your same shoes not too, too long ago. It's such a roller coaster of emotions...from utter elation and joy to letdown and just sheer sadness.
I do want to just share my experience because I think it's encouraging. Your body is more fertile now than ever! I had a miscarriage August 1, 2002. And then I was pregnant by the end of September. Alex was born in June!
Sending love and prayers to you and Jason!
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